I had a Dad with a beard.  It didn’t really bother me, in fact I would say I didn’t really notice that other Dads didn’t have beards.  The beard was just ways there.  Yet, when Alma called me to ask how I coped with prickly, scratchy kisses it got me thinking – how would I have solved the problem of the prickly beard?

I was also visiting Alma and Jasper at the weekend so bashed out a beardy book for them to enjoy…hope you do too!

(*I also now have a YouTube Channel where you can listed to the story being read! 

Alma and the Problem with the Beard

Alma loved her Daddy, he was big and he was strong

But something really bothered her, something felt quite wrong.

He was funny and he was silly and he let her jump in great big puddles.

He was kind and he was caring and he gave great Daddy cuddles.

But the problem had always been there and it bothered her, quite so.

She tried hard to forget it but decided he should know.

So, one night after brushing teeth and having stories read.

She waited for her moment as she lay in her bed.

Cuddling up all snug with teddy, Daddy turned off the light

He kissed her very gently and whispered  ‘Good night”.

“That’s it,” said Alma, “I can take it no more”

(It had happened again but worse than before)

“What’s wrong?” asked her Daddy

And her brother appeared

And taking a breath she pointed

“It’s your beard…”

“My beard!?” said Daddy

“What ever do you mean?”

“I cut it and I trim it and I keep it so clean”

Her brother laughed, but Alma let out a great sigh

“I’ve got a problem with your beard so let me tell you why…”

“It prickles and scratches and I don’t like it near my face

And when you cut it, it leaves hairs, in every little place.”

“And it’s never really all that tidy and it’s never ever neat

It’s filled with beard crumbs and who knows what

Every time you eat.”

“And worst of all, it’s a funny shade of grey, now that you’re getting old

That great big horrible smelly beard all crusty with food mould.”

Daddy looked rather sad, stroking at his beard

“This is worse than I had ever thought,”

“This is worse than I had feared.”

Her brother exclaimed, “I have a great plan!”

“Let’s cover the beard, with strawberry jam!”

“Strawberry jam?!” shrieked Alma

“That’s rather weird, but it could solve the problem

Of the prickly beard?”

So the very next day it was jam that they used

Spread onto the beard

(Mummy looked quiet amused!)

“Kiss me,” said Alma, but flies had appeared

Feasting on jam on this great jammy beard.

“Yuck!” exclaimed Alma, “This just will not do

I can’t kiss a beard full of flies and jam goo!”

Her brother pondered, “Now let me think

We could try some tinfoil from under the sink?”

So the very next day it was tinfoil they used

And they wrapped up the beard

(Mummy looked on amused!)

“Kiss me,” said Alma, but a hard shape had appeared

The silver sharp tinfoil wrapped round Daddy’s beard.

“Ouch!” cried Alma, “I can’t even get near

To give Daddy a kiss this is impossible I fear.”

Her brother then shouted, “I know what to do

Why don’t we flatten it using some glue?”

“Glue?!” shrieked Alma, “That’s rather weird”

“But it could solve the problem

Of the prickly beard?”

So the very next day it was glue that they used

They stuck down the beard

(Mummy still looked amused!)

“Kiss me,”said Alma, but she stuck to his face

“Help! Get me down, I need my own space!”

“Disaster” sobbed Alma, “It makes everything stick.

We need something else

We need something quick!”

Her brother suggested, “We could give this a go?”

He had a large box

Marked with ‘PLAY-DOUGH’

“Playdough?!” shrieked Alma, “That’s rather weird”

“But it could solve the problem

Of the prickly beard?”

So the very next day it was playdough they used

All over the beard

(Mummy was very amused)

“Kiss me,” said Alma. It prickled no more.

But pulling away it all fell on the floor.

“Oh no” cried Alma, “It doesn’t stay on

This prickly beard will never be gone.”

And feeling quite glum left with prickles again

She headed to bed but suddenly then…

Daddy came in.

He looked really weird.

He face was all smooth – there was no hairy beard!

“Daddy?” asked Alma, “Is that really you?”

Looking quite closely not sure what to do.

Her brother jumped in and got quite a fright

“That isn’t my Daddy he doesn’t look right.”

Examining him closely not liking the change

Alma gave a great wail, “You look really strange!”

“But it’s me!” yelled Daddy, giving them both a smooth kiss

“Oh dear,” said Alma, “It’s the beard that we miss.”

“We didn’t like the prickles or the way that it grew

But one thing was for sure it was definitely you.”

And hugging them both Daddy gave a great smile

“Next time I’ll stick to my own beardy style.”

And they all laughed together and it eventually grew

The beard they all hated but really loved too.


The End.